About

My name is Sarah Howard. I am 92 years old, and I live in Spokane, Washington at the Shady Pines Home for the Violently Senile.

I am a proud Fictional Republican Catholic American Woman. I have lived a long and full life, and I have met quite a few famous people over the years, and sometimes I like to share my little stories.

I blog when I have the opportunity – that is, between sedations, and when my internet access has not been taken away.

I have two sons, Ron and Jeremy, their lovely wives Susan and Whatsername, and seven grandchildren whose names I admit have trouble keeping track of. Honestly, I don’t even know if some of them are boys or girls. I know one is called “Crystal Jade”, which I think is unforgivable, really. You might as well call her “Bristol” or “Chablis” and be done with it.

I worship at St. Barnabas’ Church of the Great Subjugation. We don’t so much believe in the Jesus parts of the Bible as the “wandering in the desert and being attacked by snakes because we have been sinful” parts.

I also have a nephew Charles, who I am quite fond of. He helped me set up my blog. He lives in Seattle with his flatmate, Kevin.

When not blogging, I enjoy high colonics from Jesus (my nurses’ aid, not God) and cooking, although I’m not allowed access to sharp implements, or indeed kitchens, since the unfortunate “bleach in the bundt cake” incident last year.

I can’t eat starch or cabbages. Particularly starch AND cabbages. Constipation and chronic wind makes me blow up like Haley Barbour on a cheese binge.

Apparently, if you click on the link at the end of this line, you can email me.

I also have a Facebook page:

Sarah Howard

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9 Comments on “About”

  1. Pamela Chandran says:

    I have no idea who you are, but you are my new favorite person. Your account of Bitsy’s Christmas party with Ayn Rand in attendance is unparalleled.

  2. jules says:

    Bravo, Sarah! I think I just peed a little…

  3. Jeff Beddow says:

    Stay proud, and tall, whether vertical or horizontal. Your senescent ribaldry becomes the new voice of reason in the denouement of the American Century. Yes, that is as tragic as it sounds. But you aren’t. You are just greatly ribald. And still standing.

  4. L V Jones says:

    Bless your heart. LOVED your dkos diary today. Oh, and I know who Ron Jeremy is. I shouldn’t but I do. Actually, I think someone might convince Bush to jump in.

  5. Fripp says:

    Fuckin-A, Girl.

    You ROCK.

  6. greatestwirefan says:

    Huge fan here!!

  7. Hungry Bear says:

    Lost my son this year, and your “One bright morning when my work is over…” on an anthropomorphic Death / 911 / Father Mychal Judge is beautiful. A blogpost that can make someone cry everytime they read it is writing as an art. Thanks. I hope you didn’t lose someone close to gain this insight.

    • Thank you, dear. That’s very kind of you. It’s an honour to know that, in amongst all the profanity, I may have managed to touch somone’s heart.

      My best wishes to you and your family.


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