Legal Disclaimer

Hello dears,

My lawyers have advised me that I need to make a few things clear to anyone who visits my website, just in case Jarndyce and Jarndyce come sniffing around.

1. I have attempted to acknowledge the copyright owners and/or source of all images used on this website, but I’m an old woman with a hoarding complex and I can’t always remember where everything came from.

If you own copyright in any images and would like:

(a) written acknowledgement on the website; or
(b) the removal of your copyright image;

please contact me on the email address linked under “About” and I will endeavor to be of every assistance.

2. This website is a parody, a whimsy, a cavalcade of artistic verisimilitude, and is not intended to be a factual statement.

Besides, the real story of my life is far too scandalous to publish it on here.

3. All intellectual property contained herein belongs to the operator of the website unless otherwise specified and any persons who undertake unauthorized non-fair use activities with such intellectual property will be admonished by means of forcible application of laxative-laced battenberg cake.

4. To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, I exclude all representations, warranties and conditions relating to this website and the use of this website. In fact, I exclude liability for anything that might ever happen anywhere in the world.

So there.

5. My website, my rules.

6. I reserve the right to change the rules of the website at any time without notice to anyone.

7. This disclaimer and any use of this website will be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of, let’s see …. Australia, because it seems like a nice place, what with all their koalas and those hopping rats, and any disputes relating to this disclaimer will be subject to the exclusive jurisdiction of the courts of New South Wales. What an odd name for a state. Why would you name a state after South Wales? You might as well call it Crapland and be done with it.

8. Registration with this website or the posting of messages may result in you disclosing personal information (as defined under Privacy legislation), such as email addresses because that’s how WordPress is set up. I will never disclose this information unless I have live electrodes attached to me in at least three sensitive and private areas.

9. Racist, sexist, homophobic, nasty, rude or just plain stupid comments will be deleted or mocked mercilessly, at my absolute discretion.

Please enjoy your stay. Don’t make too much of a mess.

Sarah xx


4 Comments on “Legal Disclaimer”

  1. Amy says:

    I officially love you!

  2. NotaPrincess says:

    Methinks he doth languish in the shade of his own brilliance…

  3. Paul says:

    I love this site!

  4. Oliver Jarndyce says:

    Sarah,

    We have been trying to contact you for some time. It seems that you have been routing all of our mail to a post office box in Adjungbilly in New South Wales, Australia. We really do need to speak with you as soon as possible. Please don’t send us any more of your baked goods. The interns eat them before we can warn them not to, and they have a tendency to cause hospitalization.

    Your attempts to have our proceedings transferred to New South Wales are an obvious tactic of evasion. The fact that you refer to New South Wales as “Crapland” won’t help you at all when we find an Australian legal expert sober enough to hire.

    We can settle all of this with a phone call, Sarah. We really don’t need to go to court over the rampant falsehoods posted on your webpage which erroneously refer to our client as a mexican born illegal immigrant. We are willing to let bygones be bygones and assume that such false statements derive from your extreme senility, which likewise causes you to bake toxic levels of over-the-counter laxatives into pies, and send them to people you do business with.

    We will find a way to resolve this issue, Sarah, but it really would be helpful if you would call me. You have our number.

    Oliver Jarndyce
    Assistant Sub-Director for Litigant Intimidation and Judicial Malfeasance
    Jarndyce and Jarndyce


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 43 other followers